Goodbye 2012

New Year's Eve. The time of year when everyone sits back and reflects on the year behind them and the year they have coming up. Each year comes with its own mix of good and bad, and many hope to start out fresh with new resolutions and vows to make the upcoming year somehow better than the last. 

I've never been good with New Year's resolutions. Which is why this year, I'm not going to bother making any. There are certainly things in my life that I hope to improve, but I know myself better than to think that somehow forming a list of these goals and stating them here, in my head, or out loud to another person is going to help me keep them. Change only comes when we want it to, and when we get to a point when we know it must come. Are there changes that I need to make in my life this year? Probably. And I'll be heading into the new year fresh, hoping to sort certain parts of my life that feel especially chaotic. But I'm not going to set myself up for disappointment this year by telling you the list of things I KNOW I will focus on this year. Because in all likelihood, I will not be as dedicated as I would hope to be. 

The other problem with new year's resolutions is that, at least for me, sometimes it means saying that I will change things that I really don't need to change. For instance, I'm a homebody at heart. I enjoy a night on the couch with a good book or a great TV show to just about any other option out there. And while this makes me feel at times like I should make more of an effort to DO things, I don't know that it's something I really need to change about myself. I still keep in touch with friends, go out to dinner, and leave my house quite often. In fact, if you talk to Patrick, he'd tell you I'm not home enough. So why should I resolve to change something I'm not really unhappy with in the first place? 

The thing is, while there are some ways in which I disappoint myself and know I should try harder, overall I'm happy with my life. Yeah, more money would be great. A vacation that does not consist of me just sitting at home in Schaumburg would also be a plus. But I'm happily married, have a wonderful and supportive family, and a few close friends who mean the world to me. I'm employed, going to school for something I really enjoy, and despite the chaos that two jobs, grad school, and life in general can bring I still find time for my books and my tv. 

Do I write as much as I should? Absolutely not. It's the one thing I feel the most guilty about. I sit here, wanting to consider myself a "writer" and yet never writing. That is the one thing I have vowed to myself to change this year. Thanks to some gifts from friends and my own frustration with myself, I WILL write a book this year. I already have people holding me accountable for that, and I doubt they will fail me. I'm done making excuses for myself in that arena, and so by 2014 I will have a novel. I might not want to let most people READ it, but I will have accomplished this. 

In terms of reflection for 2012, it's definitely brought change, and 2013 will bring more. Recently I've realized that there are some people in my life I just wish I saw more of. Or people that I'm so proud of and feel like I haven't gotten to express that to them. I often fear that the people who mean the most to me don't even know what they mean to me, because I don't talk to them often enough or because peripheral drama takes away from my being able to show them how much I care. So maybe I'll be more vocal about those things in 2013, regardless of the risk of being the token cheeseball in any gathering. 

So goodbye 2012, and welcome 2013 with all the changes, highs, and lows that it will bring. Here's to more writing, less excuses, and more love in the coming year. 

Free to Be You and Me

Okay, so I need to vent. And venting here will save my voice and my poor husband's hearing. I'm also not going to think about how I should be writing my final term paper for class instead of writing here. I can worry about that later....

So, I let things bother me that I probably shouldn't. I tend to take certain things very personally, even when they're most likely not about me, have nothing to do with me, and would be there whether I existed in the world or not. And yet....I let them get to me. Facebook obviously is a huge culprit of this. A lot of people "share" a lot of things they shouldn't, whether it be information that's too personal to be online, or an oversharing of information that most people just don't want to hear. I try not to be that person. I go on facebook. I update my status, and comment on people's stuff. But I try not to be too obnoxious. Did I post or share things during election season that probably indicated where my political affiliations and loyalties lay? Yes, probably. Did I try to do this sparingly and without trying to be pushy? I sure as hell hope so.

My problem is, not everyone does that. There are some people in my newsfeed that are SO opinionated and post SO often that it's overwhelming. There are people in my every day life that are like this as well, so I'm sure this behavior extends to life in general. I just don't like being inundated with things telling me that if I don't believe the way this person does, then I'm wrong, or if I don't partake in the same behavior that that person does, I must be a bad person. I'm sorry, but just because I agree with you doesn't mean I am wrong or a bad person. And I don't appreciate the implication that it does.

We all make our own life choices. We're free to do so. Everyone decides how they are going to live their own life. What job they're going to have, who they're going to marry, if they're going to have children, how they are going to raise those children, etc., etc. Not everyone has the same values or makes the same choices. Nor should they. Variety is the spice of life, right? I'm not saying people should be free to go around and hurt other people or take crazy drugs and then harm themselves or others. But when it comes to those major life decisions, no one should try to tell me how to make those, or that I'm wrong for making the choices that I do.

I guess what it comes down to is that I've always had a hard time with overbearing people. There is nothing in the world I can stand less than a religious zealot, for example. The kind that believe their way is the ONLY way and everyone else is going to hell. That push and push and push, and don't care if you want to hear it or not because THEY ARE RIGHT DAMN IT. And if you don't agree with them, well, sorry, you're wrong. I know not all religious people are this way, but it's these overbearing ones that give them all a bad name. I've noticed lately that this extremism that bothers me so much with religion can easily be extended to other behavior too, and other choices that people make about their lives.

What's interesting is that, in the particular situation I am thinking of, I have two friends who pretty much went through the same experience and believe the same things. One of them is very vocal about it, stating their case every chance they get, telling others what they really should do. Another advertises her way of thinking far less. It's the way she chooses to live her life, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's the way others choose to live theirs. And I respect that, because that's how I try to live.

We are all going to make different choices throughout our lives. We'll make mistakes, we'll (hopefully) learn from them, and move forward making new choices and new mistakes. I know the way I choose to live my life is not the way others choose to live theirs. The choices I make are not the same choices my best friends make. And while I would always be there to provide advice or my opinion if it was asked for, I would never presume to tell them how to live their lives. Nor would I want them to try and tell me how I should live mine. Can't we all give each other that same respect? Respect that the choices I make might not be the choices you make. Likewise, I will respect the choices you make even if I wouldn't make the same ones. But that doesn't make either of our views wrong, it just makes them different. And really, that should be okay. Variety. Spice of life.

And with that...rant over and back to (maybe) knocking some more of this paper out *sigh*

Procrastinating + Rambling = THIS!

I've been absent for awhile, as usual. And while I really should be working on the homework assignment that is currently open on my computer, I decided to write instead. Especially since I've written NOTHING for weeks. I'm going to credit the writing bug with a dream that I had last night that I was determined to record upon waking, because I felt like it would make a GREAT story. Unfortunately, immediately upon waking I forgot all but the very basics of the dream, and the portion of the dream that I was so intent on documenting was the fuzziest part. Even my dreams are undermining my writing. Story of my life, I suppose.

I'm not really sure what I want to write about today. I have nothing in particular in mind, and life, aside from my upcoming weekend road trip to New York to see Joseph-Gordon Levitt, has been pretty stressful but uneventful to the average listener. The last month or so has been made up of a series of crap-tastic weeks during which I think each upcoming week HAS to be better than the last, and am proven wrong. Pretty much every time. News of friends moving, broken TVs, busy weekends, and a terrible work-life-social balance have added up to a lot of sucky.

At least this week, things have been on a bit of an upswing, complete with a commitment-free weekend, which feels oh-so-good, even if I am distracting myself from homework right now by updating this. No words can describe the feeling of laying in bed this morning, watching back-logged Glee episodes on my DVR and knowing there was nowhere I had to be. Granted, the feeling is only temporary, and before I know it Monday will be upon me once again, with everything that Monday brings. But for now I'm basking in the glory of two free days (even if homework has to make an appearance).

I think I'm going to end this now, as there really hasn't been much of a point to writing it, and the things that have been on my mind this week (like my conflicted feelings towards Taylor Swift---oh, how I both love and loath her at the same time!), are probably not share-worthy. I just felt like writing, and the weird part of my inspirational dream is very much NOT the part that was worth writing about.

On that note, Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to grad school homework I go!

"So I just let go of what I know I don't know..." - A Jason Mraz Retrospective (of sorts)

I am going to start out today's post by saying right away that I am not entirely sure that what I hope to convey in writing today will actually come across the way I hope for it to. That's the thing about words sometimes. They can convey just about anything, but they require people to arrange them in a way that conveys them correctly. And when emotions get all involved in the putting down of words, sometimes the words just don't seem like enough.

Anyway, last night Patrick and I saw Jason Mraz. From the second row! It was pretty amazing, as I knew it would be. But my purpose here today isn't to write a concert review (although it would be a rave review, I assure you), it's more to convey what Jason Mraz is to me. I had a hard time even explaining this to Patrick last night, so again, I don't know how well I'll really get it to come across here, but I figured it was worth a shot anyway.

The first time I saw Jason Mraz was back in 2005 when he opened for Alanis Morrissette. He blew me away. I have never been so enthralled by an opening act, and I don't know that I can even describe how I felt during his acoustic opening act. Thus began my love affair with him. Since then, he's proven to be the soundtrack to Patrick's and my life together, as we started dating on the day I went to see him in Chicago and Patrick filled in at the last minute as my concert-going partner. I've seen him play on my birthday, Patrick proposed to me the day before we saw him play a couple of years ago (and had considered proposing at the concert), and his music was part of our wedding ceremony.

Anyone who knows me--and they don't even have to know me all that well--knows a couple things about me. 1.) Music is a HUGE part of my life, and 2.) I tend to get obsessive over things that I love, urging those I know to love those things with me. Jason Mraz ties well into both of those things, though I realized something last night. It started out gradually, and by the end of the night I was trying to put how I felt into words. It started when Jason sang "Lucky." We were seated in the second row of the arena, on the right side of the stage. During "Lucky" he came and sang directly in front of where Patrick and I were sitting. And I realized, while I was very excited about this, I was NOT freaking out. I took some pictures, a minute or so of video, and then put the phone away and enjoyed the performance. It was an amazing moment, but there was no urge to run on stage to him or hyperventilate (which my friend Erin can tell you has been my reaction in past concert experiences). I just loved his music and the show he was putting on. This felt like growth to me.

As the concert went on, he continued to blow me away as he has in the past with the great show he puts on and the message that he sends. And this is where things will start to get cheesy and I fear what I am trying to say will get lost in translation. I tend to think of myself as a fairly positive person. I think a defeatist attitude will get you nowhere, and if you want things to change in your life, you need to take charge of them. Complaining doesn't actually change anything, doing things does. Don't get me wrong, I can whine with the best of them and sometimes do a GREAT job of not taking my own advice. But overall, I like to think I'm more glass half full about life, and try to help others see the brighter side of a suck-tastic situation when I can.  That being said, one of the things I tend to have a hard time with is OVERLY positive people. Those who take the whole positivity message to the extreme, becoming one with nature, and harmonizing with the planet. That tends to be too much for me, and I roll my eyes and step away.

The thing is, Jason Mraz IS one of those overly positive people, with that hippy-ish, harmonic attitude that normally I would hate. And yet, with him I don't. There's something about him that is just so appealing, and that positive message somehow gets through to me in a way that doesn't make me want to roll my eyes. I mean, his songs are by and large very positive, even when they're sad. And he himself is a very upbeat person, finding the plus side and the peaceful solution in just about any situation. I told Patrick last night that, as cheesy as I know it sounds (and believe me, it does), I feel like the world is a better place for Jason Mraz being in it. Not just because of his music, but because of him as a person. There are not many celebrities I feel I can say that about, as much as the things they help create may make the world more enjoyable. Jason Mraz, though, really seems to care about spreading a message of peace and love, and leaving the world in a better place than it was when you found it. There's a moment during every show, I think, when he makes sure the crowd is totally involved, and even urges them to give a stranger a high five, dance like crazy, and just be free. And everyone listens. It's really an amazing thing to see, because at most concerts you have a bunch of people who do what the band tells them, while you have a large portion that are just like "there's no way in hell I'm doing that." But at a Jason Mraz concert, self-consciousness goes out the window, and everyone there just really has a good time for as long as the show lasts.

I left last night floating on a cloud of happiness that is rare for me. I feel that, the older (and more jaded?) I get, those moments of pure happiness and contentment get fewer and farther between. I don't get excited about things in the ways I used to when I was younger, and I miss losing that. But the longer the concert went on last night, the happier I felt, and that lasted with me the rest of the night (douchey teenage driver who cut me off in the parking lot aside). It still sticks with me today. And while this feeling is stronger after seeing him live and having his attitude rub off on me live and in person, it's how his music makes me feel in general. When I'm having the kind of day where EVERYTHING irritates me, the only thing that usually calms me back down and brings my blood pressure to an acceptable level is to put his music on. Before I know it, I'm calmer than I thought I could be and able to focus again.

The thing is, I don't know WHY his music has the effect on me that it does, out of all of the music I listen to. Like I said, I love music in general. I've been to a ton of concerts over the years and spent all the money I made in high school on music. And while I have other favorite bands, and my favorites have remained pretty consistent over the years, none of them has had the effect on me that his music has. As cheesy as I know that it sounds, and as this whole post as been, there's a magic to what he does that I don't know can be explained. One day maybe I'll get to thank him for that magic. But for now, I'll share that feeling with you and continuing being awed by it.

"Sad Songs Say So Much"

Have you ever noticed how much more powerful sad songs are than happy ones? Don't get me wrong, I love a good pop song. On a beautiful summer day, there's nothing better than rolling the windows down and singing along to a Britney Spears or Taylor Swift song at the top of your lungs. And yet, turn on some Mumford and Sons or Civil Wars, and there is something that cuts deep into me, in a way that Britney and Taylor never could.

I'm not quite sure what it is, but a great sad song that breaks my heart can make me feel just as good--and sometimes better--than a fun, upbeat song. There's beauty and truth in sadness, I think. Happy songs often feel so generic to me, but many sad songs feel unique, and yet the great ones really touch on something universal. I think that's what makes them so powerful, when you can cut through to the heart of people, and find a way to tap into something everyone has experienced, but you have to look at it in a new light. 

I should say, I realize I may be in the minority in feeling this way. While I do love fun pop songs and silly, fun movies, my favorite books, movies, and songs are often dark and sad. I realize not everyone feels this way, and there are quite a few people who will very consciously avoid the things I seek out. But I love sadness and darkness and conflict. Because it's something that we all have in common. Yes, being confronted with that darkness in your entertainment can be difficult and scary, but it also makes you think and feel. And that's what I love about great art--happy, sad, and everything in between--if it isn't making you feel something, it isn't doing your job. 

One of my favorite dark/sad movies is Blue Valentine. I freaking love that movie. I think it's so well acted, and yes it is terribly sad. But it's so well done. And part of what's so great about it is how REAL it is. You can't help but watch that movie and picture yourself in the characters' shoes. What happens to them could happen to anyone. And it's scary to think that your marriage could take that turn, especially seeing how happy they were once. But the fact that you can see yourself reflected in them, even when their lives are very different than yours in many, many ways, is powerful. And I think sad movies and sad songs and sad books often do a better job of tapping into that universal human experience better than most happy stories do. 

Why is that? Is it because while we're happy it's great, but it's the pain in our lives that lingers? Does the experience of pain make it more memorable, even when it's gone? I know I tend to hold onto and dwell on negative experiences and feelings far more than I do positive ones. It's hard to try and remember a happy time when you're not happy, but it's often far easier to tap into a sad memory, even when you are happy. Those experiences are more vivid. So maybe that's why no matter how much fun I have bopping along to "Teenage Dream" by Katy Perry, it's Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" that sends chills down my spine. 

Randomness: From Me to You

I've been in an irritable mood lately. I'm not really sure why, and I'm sure the problem lies within myself and not with the irritators, but that doesn't make the problem any easier to solve. Sometimes I feel like me talking/texting/whatevering is irritating another person, and then I'm annoyed that they seem to be annoyed for no apparent reason. And then I'm paranoid that I'm that friend that can't take the hint that they're annoying the crap out of another person.

So to my friends who may or may not be reading this - DO NOT LET ME BE THAT ANNOYING FRIEND. And please, tell me if I am. I will try to change it. I promise.

In other news, I have recently been paying far more attention to Twitter than I ever have in the past. While I still don't fully understand it (and a part of me doesn't know if I really want to anyway), it does keep me in the loop of people who I admire but do not actually know much better. Like, while I already knew that the YA mafia was in existence, to actually see all of my favorite authors posting amusing things and conversing with each other on Twitter is highly entertaining. And almost makes me want to be a part of their world. Guess that means I should write something outside of this blog....

Part of my issue with Twitter, though, is that I write very little that is original, opting instead to re-tweet clever things from other people. But really, other people have far more interesting things to say, so I feel I'm doing my duty by sharing them. My dream is to tweet a celebrity I admire one day and actually get a response tweet back. Has not happened yet. Probably won't. But a girl can dream.

School is back in session all too soon for my liking, and as work and other things are taking up far too much of my time, I feel like all of the productive things I wanted to do over my summer break will not happen. I've tried to be good this week about putting writing time in, but this weekend will pretty much be shot, what with wedding showers and book club meetings and movie outings (Ruby Sparks is necessary, okay people? IT IS!!!) it will probably be a very unproductive weekend on the writing/creativity front. Such is life.

And with that, I bid you adieu for today (since I've been in a French mood lately), and will hopefully not  be too much of a stranger...

Procrastination Evaluation

I haven't written in awhile, even though I've wanted to. Lately I've been going through one of those phases where, at least a few times a day, I want to write. I feel that creative streak threatening to burst out of me while I'm driving, while I'm in the middle of a project at work, while I'm in the middle of doing something that does not allow me to be in front of a computer putting words on a page. And then when I do get home and have the time to record some of those words threatening to burst out of me, they decide not to burst anymore and my lazy ass watches TV instead. It's a problem, and I'm not sure how to fix it.

Case in point: I recently joined HitRecord.org the other day with the intention of actually starting to contribute to it, rather than just browse through all the incredibly creative things that people on there are creating. And while Patrick would tell you that my only reason for joining is my Joseph Gordon-Levitt obsession, that's not the full truth. Sure, I may have been led there initially because I had seen him talking about the site, and I've bought a couple of books from there to see what kind of things have come out of it. But the real reason I joined is that it's the kind of creative community I would like to be a part of. I noticed while browsing through the other day that a few weeks ago they started a free-write kind of exercise, and every week the theme of the 10-minute free write changes. I had seen this while at work, and obviously couldn't participate while working, so all day I thought about the word they had chosen for the week, and what I could think of to write about it. You may think this is cheating, since it's a free-write, and the whole idea is NOT to think too much about it. It didn't matter that I had the greatest first line to start out the exercise anyway, because by the time I was home with my laptop opened in front of me, the cursor blinking against the white screen, I couldn't remember any of it anyway. That great line I had had? Gone. And in it's place, there was blankness and then a few minutes of me writing something I never expected to write. Which is okay in its own right, I suppose. But it's a great illustration of my problem. My great ideas, had throughout the day when I can't be writing, are gone the minute I sit down to write.

I know I'm not the greatest writer in the world, and that I have a long way to go if I ever hope to make anything of my writing. For one, I need to be a bit more proactive, and find less excuses to do anything else. I almost think my procrastination stems, at least in part, from this idea that my efforts are never going to lead to anything anyway so why really take the time to foster these ideas. And I know, no risk, no reward, so taking a risk and making the effort has to come first. I know there are no guarantees in life, but honestly, that's starting to piss me off. I work my ass off every day to try and make mine and Patrick's lives better, and most of the time I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I don't know that I'll ever get close to any of my "dream" jobs one day, and most of the time I'm so busy trying to keep up with the job(s) I have, I don't have time to worry about it anyway.

This has gotten a little off-topic. If there was ever a topic in the first place. I guess the point is that I know I need to just shut up and write. Whether it's here, the novel that I've started and may never finish, on HitRecord...whatever. I just need to write, right? No risk, no reward. So, maybe I'll post this and try taking another risk, rather than getting sucked into a Project Runway marathon...

Chicago Bakery Crawl 2012

Cupcakes and other sweets are a love of mine. Anyone who knows me knows this, and my craving for sweets and need to always have them in the house is something that can drive my diabetic husband crazy (and yet also come in handy for a low blood sugar at midnight). For quite some time, a few of my friends and I have talked about making a list of Chicago bakeries we wanted to visit and then spending a day hopping from one to the next. This was one of those ideas that always seemed brilliant but that also seemed that we may never manage to follow through on. However, thanks to my friend Sarah taking the lead and getting us all to pick a day, we finally made it happen. We came up with a list of five places we needed to visit, and yesterday we hit every single one of them. So now, as I sit here continuing to indulge my whims this weekend   with Step Up, here is a summary of our bakery crawl, from my point of view.

Our first stop of the day was actually a place not originally on our list. It was a French bakery near Sarah's house that had delicious croissants (and other things too, I'm sure). I got a chocolate croissant that was fantastic, though I only ate half of it, and the other forgotten half died in my purse throughout the course of the day. Very sad.

Next up was Vanille, another french bakery near Sarah's. Vanille is known for their unbelievable macarons. Sarah had first introduced the rest of us to these wonderful creations when she brought them with to a movie day we held at my house one time. Since that day, I think we've all craved them more than once, and it was great to start the day off by choosing what we each wanted in our own box to take home. Even though I typically hate anything raspberry or raspberry-flavored, the raspberry macarons at Vanille are something close to heaven, and I made sure to stock up on those. I also got one that was pretty and purple and named Cassia or something like that, among others. I haven't actually tried the pretty purple one yet, but I'm sure it won't disappoint (even if it isn't quite as amazing as raspberry).

After a quick stop back at Sarah's to stow our Vanille macarons in her refrigerator for safe-keeping, we were off to Lincoln Park for our next couple of stops. Next up was Sweet Mandy B's, which I have to way was absolutely AMAZING. Everything inside, from the decor to the sweets was colorful and fun. We decided that each of us would get a cupcake, and then we'd split each one 5 ways. This way, we could each try a bunch of stuff, but really only eat the equivalent of one cupcake. We ended up trying confetti, carrot cake, french toast, snickerdoodle, and mint chocolate cupcakes, and all of them were amazing. While I am generally partial to anything confetti, the french toast cupcake was really unique and the frosting on it was delicious. I also left Sweet Mandy B's with a couple of cookies and some cupcakes for my parents and niece to try.

Next was Bittersweet, which we had heard good things about. It seemed promising from the beginning, because there were a ton of cute, often sweet-themed gifts and things right in the window. After looking around at the non-food items for a little while, we finally started looking at their baked good selection. Bittersweet was very different than Sweet Mandy B's. Much less whimsical, and more of a traditional bakery. I ended up settling on a butterfly cookie (how could I pass up on that??), and a meringue twist. Both were pretty delicious, but I think overall Bittersweet felt a little snooty for my taste, though the other girls might disagree with me. Compared to the other places we stopped, though, it just had a very different feel.

After Bittersweet, we had one more Lincoln Park bakery stop--Molly's. I've only been to Molly's one other time, but I love that place. I love the cupcakes, and I love the atmosphere. There is a counter to sit at, and swings to sit on to enjoy your cupcake at the counter. And while they weren't out yesterday, they also have board games to play while you enjoy delicious and unique cupcakes. Molly's is known for their original filled cupcakes I believe, and those are definitely what I go there for. I left with a Cookie Monster (yellow cupcake filled with cookie dough, the frosting sprinkled with chocolate chips, and a mini soft cookie on top) and a Cake Batter (filled with real cake batter). This was one of the stops I had most looked forward to, and Patrick was happy to see them both make it home for him to attempt to steal.



By the time we left Molly's, we only had one stop left--Sprinkles. We decided that, rather than going straight to Sprinkles, we would get some real food first. We headed in the direction of Water Tower Place, and almost immediately after parking the car and paying the meter, it started to rain. We found ourselves caught in a downpour a few minutes later, using our three umbrellas as best we could until taking cover under the nearest awning until the rain let up a little. It felt very Sex and the City to me at first, caught in the rain on a summer day. The rain seemed to let up...until the moment we stepped out from under the safety of our awning. We trudged on anyway, and eventually ended up at Water Tower, and ate at Mity Nice, a restaurant hidden behind the rest of the food court. It was a nice break from the sweets, and a great lunch.

Lunch and a quick detour through the American Girl store prepared us for our final stop of the day--Sprinkles. I have wanted a Sprinkles cupcake since seeing a cupcake tower full of them on an episode of Girls Next Door years ago. When I heard we were finally getting one in Chicago, I was so excited, but until yesterday had never actually made it there. When we arrived the line was out the door, and it stayed consistently long the entire time we were there. The cupcakes were so pretty! I don't know that I've ever seen cupcakes that just looked so beautiful. It was so hard to decide what kind to try, and I knew I had to limit myself to just one. I ended up going with the banana cupcake, and though I was tempted to get a frosting shot as well, I ended up passing on that. I have to say, NOT getting the frosting shot has to be my biggest regret of the day.

After Sprinkles, we headed back to Sarah's to pick up our macaron's before saying goodbye to her and heading back home, stuffed and nursing sugar-induced headaches. It had been a great day. Once I got home, I unpacked my goodies from the day. I noticed that my Sprinkles cupcake had gotten a little squished as a result of being in the side of my bag, and even though I was already pretty full I just had to try it, since I felt bad I had allowed it to be squished. And oh. my. goodness. I think it is very possibly the most incredible cupcake I have ever had in my life. The cake was so moist, and the frosting was unlike any other frosting I've ever had. The cake-to-frosting ratio was just about perfect, and I immediately wished I had bought about five more cupcakes (and that aforementioned frosting shot). Absolutely incredible.

So, in summary, I feel that I should give my overall ratings for each place, which in some cases I feel will be incredibly difficult, but here goes anyway.

Vanille:

1/2
Vanille gets 3 1/2 cupcakes because their macarons are really unbelievable. They did lose a few points with me, because the girl who packaged my macarons did not put mine nicely into little sleeves AND she left the bow off of my cute gift box. Granted, the macarons were what I went in for, and they did not disappoint. But if I'm going to spend $20 on 12 macarons, the least you can do is give me a cute ladybug bow.

Sweet Mandy B's:

1/2

Sweet Mandy B's gets 4 1/2 cupcakes because everything about them was pretty amazing. Their cupcakes were delicious, their cookies were delicious, the entire place was colorful and welcoming. It was just a fantastic place. One of the best parts, too, was that it was probably the most affordable place of the day. Your money can go a lot farther there than it can at any of the other places we visited, and the quality is not sacrificed as a result. 

Bittersweet: 

Bittersweet got 3 cupcakes. The quality was good, but the selection was a bit fancy for my tastes, and it seemed to be on the pricier side. One of the major upsides to Bittersweet is that it seemed to have a lot of more unique options, and a pretty wide variety. I felt like we saw a lot there that we didn't anywhere else, which was nice. Plus, the unique odds and ends for sale were fun, too. A good place to look for a gift for someone who loves cupcakes and other sweet-related things.

Molly's:

Molly's gets 4 stars because it's just awesome. I could hang out there all day long, and their cupcake varieties are really creative and unique. It's nice to know you can always count on your favorites being there, along with some really interesting seasonal options. And the swings at the counter, and a comfy window seat to hang out in? I'm sorry, that scores it some major bonus points with me.

Sprinkles

This was a very hard decision. Until we hit Sprinkles, I was sure Sweet Mandy B's was going to be my favorite of the day. I had a feeling that because I had hyped up Sprinkles so much in my mind, it would be sure to disappoint in reality. And while its major downside is the lack of seating and a New York-like cramped feeling once inside, where it wins is the quality of the cupcake. This was hands-down the best cupcake I had all day, and it's the one treat from yesterday that I feel most eager to go back and get more of. If only it were closer! And so while I would much rather than out at Sweet Mandy B's, Sprinkles just has to win out overall. Though I would be more than happy to head back in and taste test both again as soon as possible! 

" Memory is not so brilliant as hope, but it is more beautiful, and a thousand times more true."

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from my parents. They were attempting to clean out their basement to make it a place people could actually enjoy spending time, and in the process they unearthed a whole bunch of stuff from our family's collective years living in the house. I was told there was a box of CD cases I need to come and take a look at, or they were getting thrown away. Being the pseudo-hoarder and sentimentalist I am, I could not bring myself to throw all of the CD cases away, so I decided I would just take out the booklets and save those, since those had the sentimental value attached to them. And you know I'm not getting rid of my Middle of Nowhere CD booklet, worn from the million times I looked through it to re-read the lyrics and memorize every word inside of it.

While I sat on their basement floor pulling out CD booklets and seeing where all of the money from my first three years of working had gone, my dad decided that since I was already there, it would be a good time to pull out all my other stuff that had been sitting under the basement stairs for years, since I had moved out. Thus began a trip down memory lane that still has my head spinning.

It's amazing the things you forget about until going through and seeing proof of their existence. I don't think I've ever thrown away a birthday or Christmas card, because there were an endless amount of those contained in the boxes. There were letters and notes from friends. Postcards (apparently all of my friends went exciting places, while I just waited at home to receive a postcard and try to live vicariously through them), pictures, friendship bracelets. I found a homemade book from one of my best friends in grade school, thanking me for being her best friend and talking about why we were best friends. I found pictures of my boyfriend and I from Jr. High and remembered our plans to marry and have a honeymoon in Disney (we're both married now. To other people. And as far as I know neither of us honeymooned with Mickey Mouse). I found pictures of a summer trip to Michigan with another best friend, which was one of the most awesome trips of my life. I found a box (and more) full of memories of my high school/college boyfriend, outlining our escapades, musical tastes, and love of Target. And then of course there were the old magazines, pictures, posters, and books with boy bands and Hanson all over them. It was an incredible trip down memory lane, and it really made me think about my life, where I've ended up, and where all those friends have ended up.

When I looked back at all those remnants that have made up my life to this point, it's amazing to see the way things change. When I was in grade school and junior high, I thought my best friends then would be my best friends forever. I thought the same when I was in high school, with the new group of best friends I had. But clearly, we mostly all drifted in different directions. I still keep in touch with one or two people from the junior high days, and a handful from high school. But a lot of those people who I thought I would be friends with forever, that I wanted to always be in my life, are now little more than a wayward status update on my facebook page. While a lot of pictures and letters that I found made me smile at the memories attached to them, some of them also made me sad. Because those people I was best friends with? They're starting to get married, have kids, move places far away from where we grew up. And while I know it's not reasonable to think that you'll keep in touch with everyone you've ever known throughout your life, it's sad to think that I've drifted so far from some of those people that I'll never meet their husbands, or see their children grow up (aside from those facebook updates, of course).

While those things make me sad, I also know that now I'm creating new memories. Patrick and I will create new memories in our life together, and I'm still creating memories with those great friends I have, both new and old. While there are many friends I may have lost touch with over the years, there are also a handful that I've held onto for dear life, and hope I never have to let go of. Change is a part of life, and I get that. I'm sure I'll be sitting here another 5 or 10 years from now, once again unearthing the same boxes of stuff I just transferred from my parents's house to my garage along with new stuff I've collected since then and seeing how my life has changed yet again. Hopefully that change will have been for the better, and I'll still have those people around me that I love so much and have hung in there with me this long.

Procrastination - Blogging

As is typically my way, it has once again been far too long since I've blogged or done any enjoyable writing of any kind. Which is partially due to starting grad school, and partially due to the fact that I find excuses to not write. Instead, I sit my butt in front of the TV. Which I also find quite enjoyable, but is far less productive than giving my fictional characters the attention that they deserve. And watching TV, as fun as it is, probably has about a 0% chance of ever benefiting me financially. Whereas finishing my book may have a 5% chance or so of financial reward. Still, better than zero...

So where has life taken me since the last time I posted...I've officially started grad school, which has made a busy life significantly busier. It was difficult getting back into the swing of things, but it's kind of nice having that challenge again. I just try not to think of all of the money that is getting thrown into this new degree, and have to hope that it benefits me more than my Master's did. We shall see.

Life, while busy, is fine. I've found myself feeling more and more impatient with people as of late though. Maybe it's just that I've been stressed and at times overwhelmed with my busy schedule, but I have a harder and harder time tolerating rude, ignorant people. And even when I distance myself from the people in my life that cause me to feel negative, I find myself dwelling on the awful things they've done to me or the people I love anyway. So I let their actions affect me, even when they aren't present, which I hate. But I can't seem to let things go. Anyone have any tips on that? Because really, learning to get rid of the negativity would probably really help me out. And overall I feel like I try to have a positive outlook on things. I take the stress in stride, and get through the days, getting shit done. Because it needs to be done, and I'm a doer. But then I find myself holding grudges and getting upset about things that I shouldn't. HOW DO I STOP? Seriously, if you have any suggestions, please let me know. Because right now my solutions tend to favor blasting "Payphone" by Maroon Five really loudly or searching Joseph Gordon-Levitt videos on YouTube. Which, needless to say, Patrick doesn't necessarily love.

Thanks for listening to my rambling. Which may or may not continue on a semi-regular basis again. I can only hope if I can keep this up, it means getting back to my fictional adventures as well. Only time will tell.