"Everybody's Working for the Weekend"...On Life and Figuring Out What to Do with it....

I remember, from a very young age, having a strong desire to be a teacher when I grew up. I loved school, loved learning, and could think of no better job when I was a grown-up, than to have a class full of my own students. I would read books to them, and grade their math worksheets with my red pen, and it would be wonderful. At home, I would line my stuffed animals up in my bedroom and read stories to them, or lecture them on some important topic (I chose my stuffed animals because they were generally far more cooperative than my young siblings who had no respect for my authority). At my grandma's, I would dress up in her old work clothes and heels, take the math workbooks she had sitting around, pack them up in one of her old briefcases, and head off to "school" where I would run the perfect classroom (sometimes made up of my siblings and cousins...sometimes made up of invisible students who, once again, were often much more well-behaved. Or, if not well-behaved, were poorly behaved in the way I wanted them to be), and then go "home," kick off my heels, and get to work grading those math worksheets. 

As I got older, and closer to actually having to select a career in the real world, my game plan didn't change much. My love of music and MTV drove me to a brief love affair with the idea of becoming a radio DJ (a VJ seemed like far too much pressure, though being a part of TRL was really the dream). That dream lasted throughout my freshman year of high school before I came back to reality, and back to the dream of teaching. 

I was always a good student. I got excited at the start of every school year to go back-to-school shopping for brand new, crisp notebooks and folders, the best (and often most colorful) pens and mechanical pencils. Each year was a fresh start, and the first day of classes and meeting my new teachers was always exciting to me, along with seeing friends that summer had separated me from. I loved some classes and teachers more than others, obviously, but I never hated school. I loved learning, and the satisfaction to be gained from getting a good grade on a paper. My parents never pushed me, I always pushed myself. I was never, ever the smartest person in class, but I was still kind of a nerd, and I was okay with that. 

I majored in English and Secondary Education in college. I had always been an avid reader, who had always LOVED books. I remember a lot of trips to the library as a kid with my dad, where I would browse the Babysitter's Club, Goosebumps, and Fear Street books to see if there were any new ones I had missed, before following him upstairs where he would look for a book or two before we checked out our latest finds. 

This love of reading is what led me to major in English, while that childhood dream of becoming a teacher, and my own single-minded drive made the teaching thing a given. Having been on the accelerated track in high school, my major was chosen before I ever took a single college class, and all throughout my time getting my BA, I never considered an alternate career path. Teaching was what I had always wanted to do, and it was what I was going to do. The only other thing I really wanted to do with my life was to read all day and get paid for it, and that seemed an unlikely career path. 

My favorite teachers in high school were always the ones who were passionate about what they were teaching, regardless of the subject. My least favorite subjects were always history and science. And yet, a fair number of my absolute favorite classes in high school (and even one notable one in college) were history and science classes, because I had amazing, fun teachers, who loved what they were teaching, and what they did. As a result of these incredible and dedicated teachers, I envisioned following in their footsteps: I loved reading and literature and discussion -- I would take that love, and teach books I loved to students, and get them excited about reading and English, and I would make a difference. I got excited about the book discussions I would have with the students who would one day be in my classes. 

Fast forward to the real-life scenario, senior year of college: Teaching was not what I had envisioned. It wasn't that I hated it, it was just not really about the things I wanted it to be about. Teaching was about preparing students to do well on a standardized test, and teaching what you were told to teach. There was little freedom, and I found myself at the end of this (so far) lifelong dream, realizing it wasn't what I wanted for my life. Teaching is an amazing and admirable profession and teachers do wonderful things, but it did not appear to be the thing I would spend the rest of my life doing. 

That dream came to an end about 10 years ago now (how does time go by that fast?!). Now, I am a librarian. A profession I had never really considered during all of those years in school, and yet the profession, I think, that I really belong in. I had a conversation with a co-worker recently, where she said that, based on her interaction with me and my knowledge of music, movies, and books, this profession seems made for me. I think she was right, even if it took me a while to realize it. 

I still love to read, and spend a HUGE portion of my life reading and watching TV. And there are so many people who go "Oh, you love to read! It must be so great to work at a library. You probably get to read all day!" Yeah....not so much. 

Being a librarian isn't about getting to read all day. The only time I get to read at work is maybe 30 minutes or so on my lunch break. Maybe. But, working in a library is great because it lets me work alongside people who love reading and movies and music as much as I do (okay, maybe most of them don't appreciate the Real Housewives franchise on the same level, but I can forgive that. Or hope they can forgive me for my not-so-guilty pleasure). I get to spend my day with people who are, for the most part, just as excited about reading, and entertainment, and learning as I am. We share the things we love, and try to make our library a better place for the people who visit it. 

And you know what happens when we make the library a better place? The world gets a little better. Maybe only in our corner of it, but you know what? Given the state of things right now, anything that makes people's lives a little less crappy is worthwhile. 

And I get to teach! No, not in the formal way I would if I had a classroom full of students in front of me. I teach in an informal, more subtle way. I help people figure out how to attach important documents to send to a prospective employer, or help them figure out how to access their e-mail so they can stay in touch with relatives who live far away. I help them discover just the right book or movie they need, or how to look for what they want for next time. I point them to classes or books that will teach them how to use that new smartphone or tablet they just got as a gift and can't quite figure out yet. I help those high school kids find those books they need for class, that their English or history teachers tell them they have to read, and will eventually discuss with them. 

Being a librarian was not the career path I had expected when I was growing up. Since I was that little girl who read to her obedient stuffed animals, I have learned that you can't always anticipate where life will lead you. Best laid plans, and all....But, if you're really lucky, and you let it, life will eventually lead you where you're meant to be. 

Right now, I feel like I am where I'm meant to be. I'm reaching people in the way I always wanted to, even if it's not in the way I envisioned. And you know what? That's okay. So I'll go on reading, and sharing, and let life (and the library) lead the way....