Sunday, January 2, 2011

Back on the Wagon...

Well, I'm back. It looks like, with my last post, I managed to go for almost 2 years without posting anything. Which is pretty much my track record with journals and writing in general. I start out nice and strong, writing regularly, making myself proud, and then...fail. I really don't know what it is. Every time I have started a journal in my life I've started out strong. I set out to write something--anything--every day. And in the beginning, I do really well. I take the time out before bed or when I have a few free minutes and write, excited that I will have this time in my life documented, able to look back on in the future and see the me that existed at that time. But for some reason, after about a week or so the sense of urgency and determination that I had to write every day dwindles and I just stop writing. As much as I want to document my memories and my life to be able to look back on when I'm older, I just don't. Even when Patrick proposed and I was knee-deep in wedding planning and wedding thoughts and details and drama, I started that journal, kept it by my bedside and wrote in it for about a week or two before I gave up, again.

But alas, it is a new year and I'm going to try again. Granted, I'm not exactly off to the greatest start, seeing as how this is day 2 of the new year but only my first blog post. Apparently the procrastinator in me will never fade. It is important to me, though, that I keep myself writing. The writer in me is a part that I've always cherished, ever since I was 9 and writing stories about talking animals and Thankgivings gone awry thanks to rogue turkeys. And as an English major, it was easy to keep myself reading and writing while I was in school because it was pretty much required of me if I wanted to do well. And, being the overachiever that I am, I did want to do well. But once school ends and the writing isn't exactly required anymore, I've found that it's much harder to motivate myself to actually write. Reading is a piece of cake--I can pick up a book whenever, and always carry one with me. But writing really has been another story.

I feel like this year could be the fresh start I've been waiting for for awhile. There's a sense of optimism about this year that I've rarely felt in the past at the dawn of the new year. But really, it's already starting out to be a year of change. I'm married now, just started a new job, have a beautiful niece who I love to pieces, and wonderful friends who I might actually get to see more often now thanks to the new job. I feel like I'm finally at a point in my life where I might actually be able to reach for my goals more realistically. Go back to school, write the book that I started forever ago and have mostly halted progress on, and just enjoy life with my awesome husband, friends, and family.

So, while by now this post has surely gotten self-indulgent and long-winded (maybe that's why I've always given up in the manual journal? Hand cramps are a bitch) the moral of the story is this: The one concrete goal that I have for this year is to force the writer in me to actually write, and hopefully grow. Every day I hope to write something, whether here on this blog or in the novel that I've talked about finishing for about 2 years now. Either way, the only way to be a writer is to write. And damnit, I want to be a writer. So, even though I'm starting a day late, here's me kicking off the new year with a new goal. Hopefully I'll last longer than a week this time!

4 comments:

Annie said...

Let's keep each other accountable. I like when you write and I like when I write. So, it's a win win.

Destiny said...

You know I have always had that issue as well as far as both the journal and novel. We are too much alike. But I think you can do this. You are very talented and I think you out of all the people I have ever known has that spark for greatness. I see it in you all the time. You have something special and you just need to let it out. And maybe one day I will too lol. I think this is a good idea for you. Once you start writing it will start flowing and before you know you will have a best seller and be famous and I will ride those coat tails baby!!! Lol

Unknown said...

Annie, I love the idea of keeping each other accountable! I like it when you write too, so I think that is a definite plan.

And thanks for having faith in me Erin, and thinking there is a spark. I doubt myself so much of the time, that I'll think I have something one minute and second guess myself the next. If I write every day at least SOMETHING has to be good on a few of those days right?

Destiny said...

Exactly! Write enough and you'll get to the kernel that will set it all free! Sometimes you gotta just purge!!!!