" Memory is not so brilliant as hope, but it is more beautiful, and a thousand times more true."

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from my parents. They were attempting to clean out their basement to make it a place people could actually enjoy spending time, and in the process they unearthed a whole bunch of stuff from our family's collective years living in the house. I was told there was a box of CD cases I need to come and take a look at, or they were getting thrown away. Being the pseudo-hoarder and sentimentalist I am, I could not bring myself to throw all of the CD cases away, so I decided I would just take out the booklets and save those, since those had the sentimental value attached to them. And you know I'm not getting rid of my Middle of Nowhere CD booklet, worn from the million times I looked through it to re-read the lyrics and memorize every word inside of it.

While I sat on their basement floor pulling out CD booklets and seeing where all of the money from my first three years of working had gone, my dad decided that since I was already there, it would be a good time to pull out all my other stuff that had been sitting under the basement stairs for years, since I had moved out. Thus began a trip down memory lane that still has my head spinning.

It's amazing the things you forget about until going through and seeing proof of their existence. I don't think I've ever thrown away a birthday or Christmas card, because there were an endless amount of those contained in the boxes. There were letters and notes from friends. Postcards (apparently all of my friends went exciting places, while I just waited at home to receive a postcard and try to live vicariously through them), pictures, friendship bracelets. I found a homemade book from one of my best friends in grade school, thanking me for being her best friend and talking about why we were best friends. I found pictures of my boyfriend and I from Jr. High and remembered our plans to marry and have a honeymoon in Disney (we're both married now. To other people. And as far as I know neither of us honeymooned with Mickey Mouse). I found pictures of a summer trip to Michigan with another best friend, which was one of the most awesome trips of my life. I found a box (and more) full of memories of my high school/college boyfriend, outlining our escapades, musical tastes, and love of Target. And then of course there were the old magazines, pictures, posters, and books with boy bands and Hanson all over them. It was an incredible trip down memory lane, and it really made me think about my life, where I've ended up, and where all those friends have ended up.

When I looked back at all those remnants that have made up my life to this point, it's amazing to see the way things change. When I was in grade school and junior high, I thought my best friends then would be my best friends forever. I thought the same when I was in high school, with the new group of best friends I had. But clearly, we mostly all drifted in different directions. I still keep in touch with one or two people from the junior high days, and a handful from high school. But a lot of those people who I thought I would be friends with forever, that I wanted to always be in my life, are now little more than a wayward status update on my facebook page. While a lot of pictures and letters that I found made me smile at the memories attached to them, some of them also made me sad. Because those people I was best friends with? They're starting to get married, have kids, move places far away from where we grew up. And while I know it's not reasonable to think that you'll keep in touch with everyone you've ever known throughout your life, it's sad to think that I've drifted so far from some of those people that I'll never meet their husbands, or see their children grow up (aside from those facebook updates, of course).

While those things make me sad, I also know that now I'm creating new memories. Patrick and I will create new memories in our life together, and I'm still creating memories with those great friends I have, both new and old. While there are many friends I may have lost touch with over the years, there are also a handful that I've held onto for dear life, and hope I never have to let go of. Change is a part of life, and I get that. I'm sure I'll be sitting here another 5 or 10 years from now, once again unearthing the same boxes of stuff I just transferred from my parents's house to my garage along with new stuff I've collected since then and seeing how my life has changed yet again. Hopefully that change will have been for the better, and I'll still have those people around me that I love so much and have hung in there with me this long.

Procrastination - Blogging

As is typically my way, it has once again been far too long since I've blogged or done any enjoyable writing of any kind. Which is partially due to starting grad school, and partially due to the fact that I find excuses to not write. Instead, I sit my butt in front of the TV. Which I also find quite enjoyable, but is far less productive than giving my fictional characters the attention that they deserve. And watching TV, as fun as it is, probably has about a 0% chance of ever benefiting me financially. Whereas finishing my book may have a 5% chance or so of financial reward. Still, better than zero...

So where has life taken me since the last time I posted...I've officially started grad school, which has made a busy life significantly busier. It was difficult getting back into the swing of things, but it's kind of nice having that challenge again. I just try not to think of all of the money that is getting thrown into this new degree, and have to hope that it benefits me more than my Master's did. We shall see.

Life, while busy, is fine. I've found myself feeling more and more impatient with people as of late though. Maybe it's just that I've been stressed and at times overwhelmed with my busy schedule, but I have a harder and harder time tolerating rude, ignorant people. And even when I distance myself from the people in my life that cause me to feel negative, I find myself dwelling on the awful things they've done to me or the people I love anyway. So I let their actions affect me, even when they aren't present, which I hate. But I can't seem to let things go. Anyone have any tips on that? Because really, learning to get rid of the negativity would probably really help me out. And overall I feel like I try to have a positive outlook on things. I take the stress in stride, and get through the days, getting shit done. Because it needs to be done, and I'm a doer. But then I find myself holding grudges and getting upset about things that I shouldn't. HOW DO I STOP? Seriously, if you have any suggestions, please let me know. Because right now my solutions tend to favor blasting "Payphone" by Maroon Five really loudly or searching Joseph Gordon-Levitt videos on YouTube. Which, needless to say, Patrick doesn't necessarily love.

Thanks for listening to my rambling. Which may or may not continue on a semi-regular basis again. I can only hope if I can keep this up, it means getting back to my fictional adventures as well. Only time will tell.