Chicago Bakery Crawl 2012

Cupcakes and other sweets are a love of mine. Anyone who knows me knows this, and my craving for sweets and need to always have them in the house is something that can drive my diabetic husband crazy (and yet also come in handy for a low blood sugar at midnight). For quite some time, a few of my friends and I have talked about making a list of Chicago bakeries we wanted to visit and then spending a day hopping from one to the next. This was one of those ideas that always seemed brilliant but that also seemed that we may never manage to follow through on. However, thanks to my friend Sarah taking the lead and getting us all to pick a day, we finally made it happen. We came up with a list of five places we needed to visit, and yesterday we hit every single one of them. So now, as I sit here continuing to indulge my whims this weekend   with Step Up, here is a summary of our bakery crawl, from my point of view.

Our first stop of the day was actually a place not originally on our list. It was a French bakery near Sarah's house that had delicious croissants (and other things too, I'm sure). I got a chocolate croissant that was fantastic, though I only ate half of it, and the other forgotten half died in my purse throughout the course of the day. Very sad.

Next up was Vanille, another french bakery near Sarah's. Vanille is known for their unbelievable macarons. Sarah had first introduced the rest of us to these wonderful creations when she brought them with to a movie day we held at my house one time. Since that day, I think we've all craved them more than once, and it was great to start the day off by choosing what we each wanted in our own box to take home. Even though I typically hate anything raspberry or raspberry-flavored, the raspberry macarons at Vanille are something close to heaven, and I made sure to stock up on those. I also got one that was pretty and purple and named Cassia or something like that, among others. I haven't actually tried the pretty purple one yet, but I'm sure it won't disappoint (even if it isn't quite as amazing as raspberry).

After a quick stop back at Sarah's to stow our Vanille macarons in her refrigerator for safe-keeping, we were off to Lincoln Park for our next couple of stops. Next up was Sweet Mandy B's, which I have to way was absolutely AMAZING. Everything inside, from the decor to the sweets was colorful and fun. We decided that each of us would get a cupcake, and then we'd split each one 5 ways. This way, we could each try a bunch of stuff, but really only eat the equivalent of one cupcake. We ended up trying confetti, carrot cake, french toast, snickerdoodle, and mint chocolate cupcakes, and all of them were amazing. While I am generally partial to anything confetti, the french toast cupcake was really unique and the frosting on it was delicious. I also left Sweet Mandy B's with a couple of cookies and some cupcakes for my parents and niece to try.

Next was Bittersweet, which we had heard good things about. It seemed promising from the beginning, because there were a ton of cute, often sweet-themed gifts and things right in the window. After looking around at the non-food items for a little while, we finally started looking at their baked good selection. Bittersweet was very different than Sweet Mandy B's. Much less whimsical, and more of a traditional bakery. I ended up settling on a butterfly cookie (how could I pass up on that??), and a meringue twist. Both were pretty delicious, but I think overall Bittersweet felt a little snooty for my taste, though the other girls might disagree with me. Compared to the other places we stopped, though, it just had a very different feel.

After Bittersweet, we had one more Lincoln Park bakery stop--Molly's. I've only been to Molly's one other time, but I love that place. I love the cupcakes, and I love the atmosphere. There is a counter to sit at, and swings to sit on to enjoy your cupcake at the counter. And while they weren't out yesterday, they also have board games to play while you enjoy delicious and unique cupcakes. Molly's is known for their original filled cupcakes I believe, and those are definitely what I go there for. I left with a Cookie Monster (yellow cupcake filled with cookie dough, the frosting sprinkled with chocolate chips, and a mini soft cookie on top) and a Cake Batter (filled with real cake batter). This was one of the stops I had most looked forward to, and Patrick was happy to see them both make it home for him to attempt to steal.



By the time we left Molly's, we only had one stop left--Sprinkles. We decided that, rather than going straight to Sprinkles, we would get some real food first. We headed in the direction of Water Tower Place, and almost immediately after parking the car and paying the meter, it started to rain. We found ourselves caught in a downpour a few minutes later, using our three umbrellas as best we could until taking cover under the nearest awning until the rain let up a little. It felt very Sex and the City to me at first, caught in the rain on a summer day. The rain seemed to let up...until the moment we stepped out from under the safety of our awning. We trudged on anyway, and eventually ended up at Water Tower, and ate at Mity Nice, a restaurant hidden behind the rest of the food court. It was a nice break from the sweets, and a great lunch.

Lunch and a quick detour through the American Girl store prepared us for our final stop of the day--Sprinkles. I have wanted a Sprinkles cupcake since seeing a cupcake tower full of them on an episode of Girls Next Door years ago. When I heard we were finally getting one in Chicago, I was so excited, but until yesterday had never actually made it there. When we arrived the line was out the door, and it stayed consistently long the entire time we were there. The cupcakes were so pretty! I don't know that I've ever seen cupcakes that just looked so beautiful. It was so hard to decide what kind to try, and I knew I had to limit myself to just one. I ended up going with the banana cupcake, and though I was tempted to get a frosting shot as well, I ended up passing on that. I have to say, NOT getting the frosting shot has to be my biggest regret of the day.

After Sprinkles, we headed back to Sarah's to pick up our macaron's before saying goodbye to her and heading back home, stuffed and nursing sugar-induced headaches. It had been a great day. Once I got home, I unpacked my goodies from the day. I noticed that my Sprinkles cupcake had gotten a little squished as a result of being in the side of my bag, and even though I was already pretty full I just had to try it, since I felt bad I had allowed it to be squished. And oh. my. goodness. I think it is very possibly the most incredible cupcake I have ever had in my life. The cake was so moist, and the frosting was unlike any other frosting I've ever had. The cake-to-frosting ratio was just about perfect, and I immediately wished I had bought about five more cupcakes (and that aforementioned frosting shot). Absolutely incredible.

So, in summary, I feel that I should give my overall ratings for each place, which in some cases I feel will be incredibly difficult, but here goes anyway.

Vanille:

1/2
Vanille gets 3 1/2 cupcakes because their macarons are really unbelievable. They did lose a few points with me, because the girl who packaged my macarons did not put mine nicely into little sleeves AND she left the bow off of my cute gift box. Granted, the macarons were what I went in for, and they did not disappoint. But if I'm going to spend $20 on 12 macarons, the least you can do is give me a cute ladybug bow.

Sweet Mandy B's:

1/2

Sweet Mandy B's gets 4 1/2 cupcakes because everything about them was pretty amazing. Their cupcakes were delicious, their cookies were delicious, the entire place was colorful and welcoming. It was just a fantastic place. One of the best parts, too, was that it was probably the most affordable place of the day. Your money can go a lot farther there than it can at any of the other places we visited, and the quality is not sacrificed as a result. 

Bittersweet: 

Bittersweet got 3 cupcakes. The quality was good, but the selection was a bit fancy for my tastes, and it seemed to be on the pricier side. One of the major upsides to Bittersweet is that it seemed to have a lot of more unique options, and a pretty wide variety. I felt like we saw a lot there that we didn't anywhere else, which was nice. Plus, the unique odds and ends for sale were fun, too. A good place to look for a gift for someone who loves cupcakes and other sweet-related things.

Molly's:

Molly's gets 4 stars because it's just awesome. I could hang out there all day long, and their cupcake varieties are really creative and unique. It's nice to know you can always count on your favorites being there, along with some really interesting seasonal options. And the swings at the counter, and a comfy window seat to hang out in? I'm sorry, that scores it some major bonus points with me.

Sprinkles

This was a very hard decision. Until we hit Sprinkles, I was sure Sweet Mandy B's was going to be my favorite of the day. I had a feeling that because I had hyped up Sprinkles so much in my mind, it would be sure to disappoint in reality. And while its major downside is the lack of seating and a New York-like cramped feeling once inside, where it wins is the quality of the cupcake. This was hands-down the best cupcake I had all day, and it's the one treat from yesterday that I feel most eager to go back and get more of. If only it were closer! And so while I would much rather than out at Sweet Mandy B's, Sprinkles just has to win out overall. Though I would be more than happy to head back in and taste test both again as soon as possible! 

" Memory is not so brilliant as hope, but it is more beautiful, and a thousand times more true."

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from my parents. They were attempting to clean out their basement to make it a place people could actually enjoy spending time, and in the process they unearthed a whole bunch of stuff from our family's collective years living in the house. I was told there was a box of CD cases I need to come and take a look at, or they were getting thrown away. Being the pseudo-hoarder and sentimentalist I am, I could not bring myself to throw all of the CD cases away, so I decided I would just take out the booklets and save those, since those had the sentimental value attached to them. And you know I'm not getting rid of my Middle of Nowhere CD booklet, worn from the million times I looked through it to re-read the lyrics and memorize every word inside of it.

While I sat on their basement floor pulling out CD booklets and seeing where all of the money from my first three years of working had gone, my dad decided that since I was already there, it would be a good time to pull out all my other stuff that had been sitting under the basement stairs for years, since I had moved out. Thus began a trip down memory lane that still has my head spinning.

It's amazing the things you forget about until going through and seeing proof of their existence. I don't think I've ever thrown away a birthday or Christmas card, because there were an endless amount of those contained in the boxes. There were letters and notes from friends. Postcards (apparently all of my friends went exciting places, while I just waited at home to receive a postcard and try to live vicariously through them), pictures, friendship bracelets. I found a homemade book from one of my best friends in grade school, thanking me for being her best friend and talking about why we were best friends. I found pictures of my boyfriend and I from Jr. High and remembered our plans to marry and have a honeymoon in Disney (we're both married now. To other people. And as far as I know neither of us honeymooned with Mickey Mouse). I found pictures of a summer trip to Michigan with another best friend, which was one of the most awesome trips of my life. I found a box (and more) full of memories of my high school/college boyfriend, outlining our escapades, musical tastes, and love of Target. And then of course there were the old magazines, pictures, posters, and books with boy bands and Hanson all over them. It was an incredible trip down memory lane, and it really made me think about my life, where I've ended up, and where all those friends have ended up.

When I looked back at all those remnants that have made up my life to this point, it's amazing to see the way things change. When I was in grade school and junior high, I thought my best friends then would be my best friends forever. I thought the same when I was in high school, with the new group of best friends I had. But clearly, we mostly all drifted in different directions. I still keep in touch with one or two people from the junior high days, and a handful from high school. But a lot of those people who I thought I would be friends with forever, that I wanted to always be in my life, are now little more than a wayward status update on my facebook page. While a lot of pictures and letters that I found made me smile at the memories attached to them, some of them also made me sad. Because those people I was best friends with? They're starting to get married, have kids, move places far away from where we grew up. And while I know it's not reasonable to think that you'll keep in touch with everyone you've ever known throughout your life, it's sad to think that I've drifted so far from some of those people that I'll never meet their husbands, or see their children grow up (aside from those facebook updates, of course).

While those things make me sad, I also know that now I'm creating new memories. Patrick and I will create new memories in our life together, and I'm still creating memories with those great friends I have, both new and old. While there are many friends I may have lost touch with over the years, there are also a handful that I've held onto for dear life, and hope I never have to let go of. Change is a part of life, and I get that. I'm sure I'll be sitting here another 5 or 10 years from now, once again unearthing the same boxes of stuff I just transferred from my parents's house to my garage along with new stuff I've collected since then and seeing how my life has changed yet again. Hopefully that change will have been for the better, and I'll still have those people around me that I love so much and have hung in there with me this long.

Procrastination - Blogging

As is typically my way, it has once again been far too long since I've blogged or done any enjoyable writing of any kind. Which is partially due to starting grad school, and partially due to the fact that I find excuses to not write. Instead, I sit my butt in front of the TV. Which I also find quite enjoyable, but is far less productive than giving my fictional characters the attention that they deserve. And watching TV, as fun as it is, probably has about a 0% chance of ever benefiting me financially. Whereas finishing my book may have a 5% chance or so of financial reward. Still, better than zero...

So where has life taken me since the last time I posted...I've officially started grad school, which has made a busy life significantly busier. It was difficult getting back into the swing of things, but it's kind of nice having that challenge again. I just try not to think of all of the money that is getting thrown into this new degree, and have to hope that it benefits me more than my Master's did. We shall see.

Life, while busy, is fine. I've found myself feeling more and more impatient with people as of late though. Maybe it's just that I've been stressed and at times overwhelmed with my busy schedule, but I have a harder and harder time tolerating rude, ignorant people. And even when I distance myself from the people in my life that cause me to feel negative, I find myself dwelling on the awful things they've done to me or the people I love anyway. So I let their actions affect me, even when they aren't present, which I hate. But I can't seem to let things go. Anyone have any tips on that? Because really, learning to get rid of the negativity would probably really help me out. And overall I feel like I try to have a positive outlook on things. I take the stress in stride, and get through the days, getting shit done. Because it needs to be done, and I'm a doer. But then I find myself holding grudges and getting upset about things that I shouldn't. HOW DO I STOP? Seriously, if you have any suggestions, please let me know. Because right now my solutions tend to favor blasting "Payphone" by Maroon Five really loudly or searching Joseph Gordon-Levitt videos on YouTube. Which, needless to say, Patrick doesn't necessarily love.

Thanks for listening to my rambling. Which may or may not continue on a semi-regular basis again. I can only hope if I can keep this up, it means getting back to my fictional adventures as well. Only time will tell.

This I Believe

Okay, so, as usual it's been forever since I've posted here. I feel like a broken record, because it seems that every post starts out that way. Perhaps this will improve but knowing me there is an excellent chance it won't.

Anyway, back to the current blog...on Sunday my book club met at Baker's Square (yay! pie!) for our meeting, to discuss "This I Believe," which is a book that stemmed from an NPR radio show of the same name. The book consisted of a collection of essays from both every day and famous people, all saying what it was they believed in. The essays could be about anything, obviously, but they all followed a general format. Keep it short, sweet, and to the point, and mainly focus on one core belief. As a result of reading this book, I decided (along with some of my fellow book-clubbers) to try my hand at my own "This I Believe" essay. I'm going to be honest and let you know--I did not follow the rules exactly as they were laid out. I have many beliefs and didn't feel like choosing just one at the time I wrote my essay. So mine kind of combines them all. Maybe one day soon I will make another attempt and actually follow the essay-writing rules. But for today, I am going to share with you the essay that I wrote and shared (out loud, in the middle of Baker's Square) at book club.


This I Believe

I believe in music. I believe in the freedom music brings, and the power it has to unite. No one can live without music, and few things in life have the power to touch us at the level that music does. I believe that music can heal, and that the combination of melody and lyrics is one of the most magical, powerful things in existence.

I believe in the power of love, and even more in the power of friendship. I believe you can’t have love without friendship, and that friendship is one of the most valuable things in life. I believe in family, and in being there for them no matter what, just like you would like them to be there for you. And I believe that your best friends become your family. I believe dogs (and cats) are a man’s best friend, and life would be a lot more boring and a lot more lonely without them.

I believe in doing what you love, whether you can make a living from it or not. I believe that the things we love fulfill us, and make us better people. Taking time for doing the things we love makes us like ourselves more, and makes us grateful for our talents and the thing or things that no one can ever take from us. I believe in following your dreams, even when there are obstacles in your way. If you never try in the first place, you can never know if you will fail or succeed. I believe in making time for the things you’re most passionate about, and in not making excuses for why you can’t make that time.

I believe that you don’t need religion to be a good person. Doing good things makes you a good person, and treating others with kindness and respect. I believe in accepting other people and their differences of opinion and beliefs, and I hope that they can accept mine. I believe in discussion and I believe that if more people talked more and were more tolerant of others, a lot of conflict could be avoided in the world. I believe that religion should not give you an excuse to persecute others because they are different.

I believe in learning, always learning. Learning to better yourself, and learning to know and understand the world around you. I believe in being open-minded and listening to the other side, even if you don’t always agree with it. I believe you don’t have a right to disagree with something if you don’t understand it. I believe in the power of knowledge and the power of words, and the power that those things can have when combined. I believe in using that power for good, and for change.

I believe in words. I believe in their power, and in their responsibility. They are what we use to shape the world around us, to express ourselves, and to communicate with others. They are more powerful, beautiful, wondrous and potentially dangerous than we realize. Words can be used to profess love and to spread hate; to praise or condemn; to illuminate truth and to propagate a lie. There is no better feeling in the world to me than listening to a song or reading a book and hearing the words of another expressing your own feelings. Words are everything, used everywhere, and in ways that constantly remind us we are not alone.

I believe in being yourself and following your dreams, wherever they may lead.

What's important to you? What do YOU believe in? Let me know in the comments, and hopefully I'll return soon :-)

For the love of YA

Most people who know me know one major thing about me, because it so defines who I am. I love to read. I have always been a big reader, even more so than a writer, although the two have pretty much gone hand in hand over the years (I'd like to think I've become a better writer, of course. Please, don't ask to see my story about the talking turkey...). But as much as I love to write, and that is a part of me, I think I'm still more of a reader than anything. My tastes have obviously evolved over the years, but the voracity with which I read books has always been the same. I can remember, quite vividly, a summer during my grade school years during which I think I ready every single Babysitter's Club book that existed. I remember going through a book a day, and I couldn't get through them fast enough. I loved the special edition ones, where each chapter was written by a different girl--and even the handwriting of the letters was different so you KNEW it was someone new!

Okay, so I'm getting off topic a little...the point is, reading has always defined me as a person. I'm the girl who carries a book with her EVERYWHERE, because you never know when you might have a few minutes of time to kill. I read on my lunch breaks, before I go to bed, whenever I have a few minutes of free time. I can be just as happy reading a book as watching TV, sometimes much happier. And I read everything. I can do a sappy Nicholas Sparks love story one day, and then as soon as I finish that move on to a twisted murder mystery like In the Woods by Tana French. I read current stuff, I read classics, and I LOVE Young Adult fiction. This is something else that most of my friends are very aware of.

Maybe it's because I wanted to be a teacher, and so had to expose myself to books my students would be reading, although I don't know if that's really true. The fact of the matter is, with all the reading I do, some of the most satisfying characters and stories come out of YA authors and books. Read anything by David Levithan and tell me there isn't as much depth and emotion there than whatever adult fiction book is at the top of the best seller list. I'd actually bet you there is significantly more. Read Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins, and name me another book that has such well-written, real characters. I think you'd be hard pressed to find some.

The reason that I'm bringing this up now is that YA has come under fire this week, thanks to this article by Meghan Cox Gurdon in the Wall Street Journal. When I read this, I can't even tell you how angry it made me. As someone who reads YA all of the time, I was appalled by some of the statements made in this article. For starters, not all contemporary teen fiction is dark, not by a long shot. Sarah Dessen is a great example of a YA author who writes fantastic novels for teens that are by no means dark, but that do deal with the fears and struggles of teen girls. Let's be honest for a second here: The teenage years are not fun for most of us. They're confusing, and scary, and hard. It's a time rife with insecurities and discovering who you are and what you want out of your life. Where you fit in compared to the people around you. It's a time of self-discovery, and it's a very bumpy road. Everything is SO important to teenagers. Every setback feels like the end of the world, and every success is magnified as well. I think our adolescent years are a time that most of us remember vividly, no matter how distant we get from them in age. Everything was just so important during that time. Friendships seemed more powerful, love was new, and intense, and so many changes were occurring.

Great YA writers capture those experiences that almost all teenagers go through, giving teenagers something to relate to, as well giving adults a view of the time most of them still remember so well. Even YA books that focus on werewolves or vampires can deal with adolescent fears and anxieties successfully. It's about the journey that the main characters goes through, and the growth they have experienced by the end of the story that is important. It's those elements that make a character relatable and real.

Gurdon speaks a lot in her article about how so much teen fiction depicts dark things like rape, homosexuality, violence, and self-mutilation, and how these are not topics we should be exposing to our children. The truth is, though, that teens experience these things in the real world. We live in a violent world, where dark things happen. If anything, I think topics like these make books more real to the reader, especially depending on the teen's own background. One thing that I think most people have in common--both teens and adults--is the fact that they want to believe there are other people out there like them. One of the greatest feelings in the world is when I read something in a book that could have been written by me, it's so true to the way I feel. It's books like these that make us feel we are not alone in the world, no matter how much we may feel like we are sometimes. And teens who have had to deal with dark, violent things in their own pasts can seek some refuge in certain books, knowing that they really aren't alone, and they can overcome.

I am not by any means saying that all teen fiction is fantastic. Of course it's not. There's plenty of smut out there in the YA world, just like there is in the adult fiction world. There are books that exploit sensitive subjects just for the sake of shock value, or that use vulgar language just because they can, not because it adds anything to the book. But there are so many more out there that are worth reading. One of the most challenged books as of late is the Hunger Games trilogy by Suzanne Collins. I, for one, think these books are phenomenal. I recommend them to just about everyone I know, and have bought the trilogy as gifts for friends. Is there violence? Absolutely. Are there sensitive topics addressed? Sure. But isn't that what books are all about? Addressing the sensitive things that happen in the world around us, and sending us a message? The fact of the matter is that Katniss in the Hunger Games is an astoundingly strong, and also very real, female protagonist. Do kids her age find themselves in her position in real life? Probably not. But that's not the point. The point is the journey. The point is what Katniss discovers about herself, and the world around her. It's how she learns where she fits, and what is important to her, and what sacrifices she has to make for the things she loves. It angers and saddens me that anyone would feel that a message and a story so beautiful should not be accessible to teens or anyone else.

Books serve as a window into worlds other than ours. Sometimes they serve as an escape, and sometimes they can even act as a mirror, helping us to shed light on ourselves as we read. While I am someone who thinks that books can affect us profoundly, and even in extraordinary circumstances change us forever, I do not feel that someone reading a book that is violent will send a message that violence is a good thing. I do not feel that hiding dark material from kids will help them in the long run. I do think that parents should know what their kids are reading, and should discuss things with them. I think this will only make our kids stronger, and more aware of the world around them.

In her article, Gurdon writes about how novels like The Outsiders by SE Hinton created an industry of fiction for teenagers, and she clearly thinks this is a bad thing. We don't want to show unhappy teenagers more unhappy teenagers that they can relate to on some level! We can't have unhappy endings, even though life has plenty of them! All I have to say to that is, I wish there was more YA when I was actually a teenager. I think if there had been, there would have been times I felt much less alone. Even now, when I'm reading a great YA book, sometimes I'll sit back and go "that was ME in high school!" Being a teenager can be so lonely and scary, and I think it helps to have something to turn to and know that you're not the only one feeling scared and alone, and you will make it through.

I know this post has gotten probably disgustingly long, and I apologize in advance for any repetition or rambling that occurred. I just feel so strongly about this topic, and wish that the YA genre got more credit for being as fantastic as it is. Some of the best writers out there are writing YA right now, telling extremely powerful, honest, wonderful stories. If you'd like some recommendations, you can always come here for them :)

As I sign off, I'm going to leave you with this, an article written by Sherman Alexie, author of The Absolute True Diary of a Part-Time Indian, which is also one of the top 10 challenged books right now. It's a wonderful response to the Wall Street Journal Article linked above.

And with that, I am off to bed. Please, feel free to comment and let me know where you stand on the debate. I'm interested to know, even if you don't agree.

"Concrete Jungle Where Dreams are Made Of..." Oh yeah, and books too!

Soooo, it has definitely been awhile. I know, I always seem to start my posts out that way, don't I? That's because I'm a slacker. There's no denying that. Add to that the fact that life has been busy, and I have been lazy. I can't even really tell you where the first half of this year has gone. I feel like it's been a whirlwind, with the last week of my life being the most whirlwind-like of all. So I suppose I will start there.

I just got back today from my trip to New York for the Book Expo of America, which I attended with Stephanie. We flew in

to Boston, which I have to admit...I loved IMMEDIATELY. No joke. I fell in love with Boston so quickly, and the love only grew as we wandered around. Granted, Steph and I are both extremely directionally challenged, which presented problems at various times throughout the week as a whole. But that did not keep me from loving Boston. The Freedom Trail and I became great friends, if only because if I followed it there was a good chance it would eventually lead me to one of the places I hoped to get to. It was cold in Boston, and we froze our asses off at Fenway that night at the Red Sox/Cubs game. But it was totally worth it. I decided that if I ever leave the Chicagoland area to move to anywhere else in the contiguous US (which is doubtful, because let's face it, how could I leave this places where everyone I love is???), it would absolutely be to go to Boston or somewhere close to it. I could gush more, but perhaps I'll save that for later.

After Boston, we were off to New York. After a 4 hour train ride. Yes, 4 hours. It went surprisingly fast, though, and we soon found ourselves right smack dab in the middle of Manhattan in search of our hotel. My first reaction to New York City? I hated it. I didn't get it. Really. I absolutely did not see the appeal of New York over my beloved Chicago. It was dirty, super crowded, and garbage is EVERYWHERE. After the trip to New York, I have to say I have a newfound appreciation for the alleys of Chicago. They serve a great service to the public, as they prevent us from having to walk down streets piled high with garbage bags. Ick.

Despite my initial hatred of NYC, I have to say by the end of the trip, I had warmed up to it quite a bit. I think one of the turning points for me, besides realizing I was actually capable of navigating New York fairly independently, was probably heading to the World Trade Center. There was something about being there, where this horrific tragedy had occurred, seeing the new towers being built, that was just incredible. I clearly remember where I was and what my first reactions were upon hearing the news on Sept 11--as just about everyone else does--and to be there at the site of it was just...I don't know if I even have words. I had a really hard time going through the memorial museum, but I am so glad I did it.

As for BEA, the entire reason Stephanie and I went to New York in the first place, I have to say, it was pretty am

azing. I got to meet so many amazing authors, was able to bring home an overabundance of books, and it was just such a great experience. It was really overwhelming at first, because it's SUCH a huge conference, with so many people. We spent the vast majority of our time there standing in lines waiting for a 2 second signature and hello from an author. And yet, it was still completely worth it. I got to meet Sarah Dessen (dream come true!), Ann M. Martin (SERIOUS dream come true!), David Levithan (swoon!), and even crazy Theresa Giudice from Real Housewives of NJ. I was exposed to new authors for the first time, and in addition to getting to meet them, I also met some other awesome people while standing in line. It was really a great experience, to be around so many other people who LOVE books so much. Like one of the speakers at one of the author breakfasts said, it is so rare to get that many book lovers in one room. It seems like we become more of a rare breed every day, which is sad. So it was great to be around people like that. There were some crazies we ran into as well, but you get those everywhere. What can you do?

One of the things that came out of the trip for me was the feeling that being involved with reading and writing is really, REALLY what I want to do. There were moments when I envisioned myself

behind one of the signing tables. A day like that, if it ever happens, is probably incredibly far off, but I still daydreamed a little. It would be such a dream come true to be a part of that experience from a different angle. I want to be a part of the YA mafia! Of course, that would require me writing a book first. Still working on that one. Should get back to that maybe, eh? Another thing that I thought about as a result of the conference was starting a separate book review blog. God knows I read enough of them, reviewing them might just come naturally. Thoughts? If I started a book blog, would any of you read it? Let me know what you think...

For now, I'm off. I have tons of trashy TV to catch up on after being gone (like the Glee finale!), as well as unpacking to do. I have an entire suitcase of books (literally) that I somehow have to find room for on my already filled-t0-capacity bookshelves. I think Patrick might kill me. Oh well! It's like book he

aven for me, room or not!

"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." - E.L. Doctorow

Okay, so here's the honest truth: Since the last time I updated here I have done no writing. I am failing in my mission to be a better, more consistent writer. I know I say this every time, but I am doing worse than ever lately. I need to find a way to get myself motivated, but I don't know what strategy would work to accomplish that. The ironic thing is, for awhile I've felt just kind of out of whack, or like something is missing. And I think that if I was making the effort to write regularly that that feeling would at least in part go away. I just feel like there are always a million other things going on in my life at any given time that are more urgent to get done. Or sometimes I come home and finally have a day or evening where I have the house to myself and I can just sit down on the couch and watch whatever I want on TV. Is this productive? Absolutely not. Is it fun? I think so.

I have been doing a lot of reading. With the early bedtimes that I've been trying (and usually, to at least some extent, failing) to enforce due to the new job schedule, I do a lot more reading before going to sleep. But, while it's creative in another way and is tons of fun, it does not equate to writing. So...any suggestions for how to keep myself motivated and force myself to write? I do best when other people are pushing me or expecting me to finish things by a certain time, but I know that I can't depend on others to do that for me. I'm an adult and should keep myself motivated on my own. I guess that's just something I'm going to have to work on.

In the meantime...I am going to steal something that a good friend of mine did on her blog, and actually put something I've written out there for everyone to read. It was a short story that I wrote, and for a little while was on a webzine for women. I just thought that, since most of my posts are about writing, that it is only fair that I share some of my writing with those people that read here. It's always a scary thing to share my work, just because writing is so personal. I always feel shy and nervous when I let someone read my creative writing, because it's like sharing a piece of myself that you wouldn't see otherwise. It makes me feel exposed. And yet, if I ever hope to be a published author one day (you know, if I actually ever finish WRITING anything...) then I have to be willing to expose myself in that way. So, without further ado...here is my short story :)

She and Him

She sat at the island in the kitchen, talking with his mother and sister. They had a lot of catching up to do; it had been years since she had seen any of them. As they talked, he walked into the room, greeting his family as he placed the sandwiches he had brought home from work on the counter. There was a quick nod in her direction, but no other acknowledgment of her presence. He sat down at the table behind her and exchanged tales of the day’s events with his mother and sister. His family tried to ease the obvious tension, all smiles and easy conversation, though you could see the wheels turning in their heads, trying to figure out what was going on.

She had no idea herself. He was acting like a stranger, only worse. His coldness towards her was clearly deliberate. A stranger wouldn’t seem so foreign and familiar at the same time. Her heart thumped an uneven rhythm, and she realized she had been on edge since she had arrived, waiting for this moment. She had thought it would be different. It had been a long time since they had seen each other, but still, she had thought it would be different. That he would be excited to see her too. That he would at least be friendly to her. Yes, it had been a long time, but they had been so close once.

A lump formed in her throat and she could feel tears stinging behind her eyes, but she forced a smile onto her face and continued to converse with his mother. His sister had taken her sandwich and disappeared—maybe the tension had become too much for her. He stayed in the room, but only entered the conversation when absolutely necessary, responding with a short answer and a sharp tone. She couldn’t keep from sneaking glances at him as they all talked. He was looking at her, but his blue eyes were like ice, and they matched the frost she heard in his voice. It was all too much for her. This was not the boy she once knew; this was not what she had expected when she decided to come here.

She realized she needed to leave. He obviously didn’t want her here, and it was clear his mother didn’t understand his behavior any more than she did. She stood up, hugging his mother and saying goodbye. She grabbed her purse off the counter, and slung it onto her shoulder, turning around to say goodbye to him before she turned towards the door to leave. As she opened the back door, his mother suggested he walk her out and say goodbye.

She had already stepped outside, but she heard him behind her, and so she turned around, feeling awkward now, and unsure of herself. She stared at him, standing in the doorway, his body illuminated in the yellow glow of the kitchen light. He stared back at her, but neither of them said a word. The lump was still in her throat, and she tried to swallow it down, in order to say something to him before she left. Finally, she got her voice to work, cracking a little as she whispered to him.

“Can I at least have a hug?” she asked, realizing now that whatever they had once had was gone. This hug would probably be the last goodbye, and she would have to end their chapter in her life once and for all.

She saw him move forward, and she was surprised that he was actually going to grant her request. Instead of hugging her, though, he wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her to him until her body was pressed against his. Before she even had time to process what was happening, he pressed his mouth to hers, his strong arms still wrapped around her. He kissed her so deeply and with such passion that she could feel her body melting into his, could feel her lips burn with the heat of his, the warmth spreading throughout her entire body.

She knew what was happening was wrong; they shouldn’t be doing this. And yet, nothing had ever felt more right. It felt as though all their years of knowing one another, all the secrets shared and promises made, had led right to this moment. She opened her eyes, wanting to see if this was really happening. She was sure she was imagining it. When she opened her eyes, she saw the face she knew so well, even after all this time. It was him, and it was her, and it was real.

When they finally pulled away from one another, she stared into his eyes for a moment. The ice there had melted away, and now they were that peaceful blue she remembered. He was the man she knew again. Staring into his face, and seeing him stare back at her, she understood his behavior before. Of course he felt the same way she did, but he had been trying to ignore it, to distance himself. He had tried to keep his true feelings from showing, just like she had. His cold demeanor was the only way he knew how to keep her at a distance.

As they sat with each other without speaking, they both realized that whatever it was that the two of them shared, time could not make it go away. This bond, this connection they shared was stronger than either of them. Finally, she separated herself from him, taking a step back and wiping the tears that had started to escape from her eyes. She knew she had to leave, and she knew that he knew it too. After all, that was why he had tried so hard to keep his distance from her, wasn’t it? She shouldn’t have asked for that hug; it was only going to make leaving harder now. But they both knew she couldn’t stay. Their lives, their paths were not the same anymore. They both belonged to other people, had other responsibilities.

He wiped the tears from her cheeks and gave her a tight hug. This was goodbye, and this was for good. They both knew it. She could see tears begin to cloud his eyes as she turned to go. She had to go back to her life and leave him to his. But maybe that was okay. Yes, it was hard, but today she had realized that nothing would ever erase them. A part of each of them would always belong to each other, and she thought maybe that was enough.

She backed her car slowly out of the driveway, looking at his silhouette in the doorframe one last time before she drove away, back to the life that she had created for herself without him.

"She and Him" Copyright Janine Slayton 2008